A man with a common sense

Have you ever noticed that your index fingernail's growing faster than the rest?
You mean the one on my right hand?
Yes.
Yes, I have actually.
So, you were saying I shouldn't talk to him in depth?
Yes. I don't think it helps you. It will soon go meaningless and that will suffocate you.
I must say, it has been something like that. Not that the meaninglessness suffocated me, but surely I haven't found much fascination as we carried on deeper conversation and most time I get angry.
Why?
I feel I went through a smelly bin trying to find something germ-free.
Did you think the bin would be clean?
I hoped it would be. 'BIN' is just a type of thing designed to store rubbish, I thought it can still be for other use.
Like what?
Like, I bought a container that meant to be a little bin, but I used it to store raw rice, you know.
Okay. Here is difference. You couldn't ever know where the bin's been, I mean the bin you went through. You just hoped it would be clean. But the bin you are using it to store food has never been exposed to contamination, it is clear to your knowledge, at least, you don't have to hope for it.
I hoped we could be friends.
Trust your instinct. Did you ever really see any connection?
No. But I'm not sure. Was there any between H, S and E and myself? I don't know. Yeah, may be there were something I thought it had been written for us.
No, no. Don't go too far. So, there were some distinct facts or feelings.
Yes, you can say that.
Try to be a bit more specific, that's what you need to do.
People try to make me realise how little friends I have and how little time I spend time with them. I don't understand why it so much matters to them.
You do understand it, but apparently when you said that you don't understand, you don't like it.
No, I don't.

The best thing of the day

You drink every day.
Um, Yeah, I like it.
You are alcoholic.
Nope. I only do a little and I can easily go without it.
No, you can't.
I can. But I do need a drink tonight. Because it makes my life easy! You should try it.
What's it so hard for you?
(Pause)You think your life is the hardest to live, but life is as hard as you make it. You think everybody else’s is easy, and I know you feel sorry for yourself but.
I didn't say my life is the hardest and everybody else's is easy. I said, what is it so hard for you? And, what? You feel sorry for yourself?
No. You feel sorry for yourself.
I feel sorry for myself? Why?
Um, no, no. I shouldn't have said that. Sorry. (Pause) Uh, I have a privilege that I don't deserve.
Yes, you have a privilege but I don't know if you don't deserve it or not.
I just have it. I didn't earn it.
No, you didn't.

I had this weird dream last night, I wrote.

I thought the bitterness of cigarette in your saliva was rather similar to the taste of blood.
Did I tell you that I thought the music you wrote was very good? Yeah, I did think so. You are pleased. I'm pleased to see you are. I've always liked your sincere face whether you frown, explode with fury or bear discontent, try to catch implications, you come to a conclusion or decision, and you are satisfied and even smug or disappointed and distressed, but most time indifferent. I am not sure if there was any illusion sometimes.
And your dad is a dancer? He danced for me to your music for a short while when you've gone, only using his upper body. I am sure it was for me, because he looked at me trying to observe my reaction at the end of his performance. Once he started I soon knew his performance was going to impress me. It was quiet, succinct and modest on the whole but there were also poetic implications with intensity, just the way I like things.
You kindly asked me if I wanted to have a rest so if I wanted a bathroom. When you left me by the door of the bathroom, I realised that the level of the bathroom was at the height of my knee. I had to step up as I went into the room.
The bathroom was dim and grey, but it was shimmery with warm yellow light, as the bare cement wall indicated its very skilful hard-working labour so is he proud of himself.
It was a spacious room but didn't include a toilet nor had a bath. There was only a rubber hose attached to a water tap and a plastic wash bowl on the floor.
I needed a wee so I just pulled my trousers down then try to wee on the floor. As I was uncomfortable of doing it I couldn't relax the muscle to pee for a few seconds. And I started to worry whether I was being watched once I realised that there was no toilet tissue. I turned my head around the room and found a little window, felt bad. I poured a big bowl of water to wash it away.

Sheer jealousy

Did it help you keep going forward or backwards?
What's the matter?
What's the matter? I don't know I just can't breathe at the moment.
She said, she said, ah, I might be in the eye of typhoon. I mean she, she is right.
What is it you are so afraid of?
You don't have to tell me, I know I'm going nowhere. I will dig in and wait.

When laziness and cowardice have taken over you

I know, I'm completely fucked.

It all pertains to your flesh; retrospection of her instinct

Wow, you look great.

Here is the deal. I will help you this time but I want you to bring me some real jobs to make money.

You freaked me out. You are a freak. I just couldn't believe someone actually can say such things in the first encounter. Did you think it is OK to do with me?

Oh, wow.
Yeah, that's awful.
I read two books.

Oh, god. He is lovely.
It didn't bother me.
He looked at my breasts slightly exposed by the flare of my purple top.

Such a warm and kind hearted person.
I thought.
I just pulled my top supposed to cover my flesh.
I didn't come up to a dirty conclusion.

Yeah, he is very nice.
She said.

You know, at the end of his performance, I had an urge to jump up to the stage and give him a kiss.
That's an animalistic reaction.
I pertain to meat.

I wondered why this woman would want to say that. She was trying to sucking up to her and did know she has really bad taste.

I was just trying to be friends with you. I thought you confided to me so I felt I should do something in return. You were faking, I see.

The look, when you said his paper was the best for you on the day, did make you suspicious, didn't it. And you did think there was no meat in the conversation.

The night in the period of indolence through the agency of surrender

Tomorrow, I will be looking at the tangled affairs have been pressing me down for days in a right mood some time before it kills itself.