It's hard

People.

Exquisite confession

It was embarrassing.
You seemed most intelligent when you said that so straight.
It was?

Trivial.
It was trivial, shallow or even wrong to me.
I understand it was of myself in fact.
Wonderful.

You, fat alcoholic.
Good to see you.

Estranged from authority

I met J years ago when H had become an activist, started working for the biggest rebellious organisation in Korea.
I was glad to hear H was enjoying working there and fell in love with the director since I disapproved of her engagement with her long term ex-boyfriend who used to beat her from time to time.
Once I found out her ex who I never really got on with treated her badly, I dragged H from their flat and kept her in my place for six months.
She went on seeing him.
I took her to doctor's. I was worried if she was pregnant.
I made my journey only to meet her new man, to check up on him.
I liked him as soon as I talked to him, but H told me that he was still with his fiancée. Brilliant.

I only noticed J when all of us (absolutely everyone) were offended by the crap opera, we were invited to, so decided to make a quick move to a pub so that we could talk loud about it.
On the way to a pub she was already talking very loud with great sarcasm.
I first didn't like the loud manner but in terms of the contents thought she was funny and interesting.
I wanted to know who the person was.
Oh my lord, she is hideous. I thought.
I then discovered that J was a board member of the organisation, Uni lecturer with a doctorate degree in Korean literature and infamous play critic.
A few months later when half of my aesthetics study group members went on their postgraduate studies so we decided to stop meeting, I joined their philosophy seminar sessions.
I met J again.
I actually didn't mind J and nor did she.
I barely knew anyone apart from H so felt a little bit isolated, but the day I was late for the seminar things changed.
Everyone laughed so much, especially J couldn't stop laughing for so long and probably she still laughs about it.
They said I was hilarious, said I was what exactly H used to describe me to them.
J thought I was just like her.
Everyone agreed we were identical.
I didn't understand what it actually meant.

That's abuse.
In terms of the similarity between us,
she's just been disappointed at which I am.

H is still in love with the same guy.
I am happy for her.
I am happy too, but I never expected this was going to be this hard.
I know it very well.
I won't say more if that's what you want to go through.

Your day

I lied to you.
Have I ruined your day?

13 minute desolation

Around 13.46pm today.
There was a warm contagious lump underneath unguarded pale curves see through a fine freckle lying on thin veins forgotten hunger.
I wished you would be dissipated soon in burning sight unreasoned calm never been mine.
Who will remember this has seen it.
I ran into you there was a wooden bench I sat.
People I despised, people I loved, people I never met will welcome my return I insist.
It's time to go back that's nothing.
You want to go back no more holding his myth.
Live on what you think it was physical.
Have I become healthier to say I want to go back than want to die.
Hold on a minute.

I can't tell you

It will bring me to light.
All my honesty you've seen was to play this game, to fight against my will.

I don't remember if I experienced the world (10)

Hello, mate.
Yes.
I couldn't go to sleep.
Oh dear, why?
Something worries me.
What is it?
You know S.
Have I told you that I decided to end a relationship with one of my mentors at uni?
Well...it rings me a bell.
He was very nice to me but his attitude was not healthy.
I didn't like the way he tried to read my mind.
But I think you do that too.
It always freaks me out when you watch people with knowing what's going on but not saying anything.
Do I really do that?
Yeap, and I don't like it even if it is not my case.
What is going on and I just watch?
You perfectly sense that the person in front of you is behaving abnormally or spiteful, but you never say a word for a while.
Do I?
Yes!
That's a little cruel although I don't think it's a bad thing to do.
Do I watch them with a blank expression on my face?
Of course not. You are slightly laughing at them.
I see.
You may not be the same person now though.
It could be quite scary then.
It is indeed.
I may have done it today.
Then you have done it.
However, in fact, I genuinely did not know what I was required to say or do due to the very meandering manner.
Humm...you didn't.
It irritated me, but I didn't ask her what she really wanted from me.
Leave it cool or make yourself be used to it.
I don't mean this is not a place, this is a part of the place.