The weather is getting cold here.
I never liked coldness.
But is it I should be familiar with now?
What should I be familiar with?
I have started thinking of leaving this city.
Thought I should be moving on. It is always people, make me moving.
The way they look at me, the way I feel onto it and the way I think I should be.
But what should I be?
By talking to S today I realised that I never do what I really want to do.
I have never done at least. Should I start doing it now? Or shouldn't I?
What if I don't know what it might be?
So sensitive myself to smell, I sometimes wake up from sleep,
notice I have not emptied the little bin beside my bed for a while.
I've got to empty it, I walk down with a bin bag, open the front door witness outside house. Surreal. Always it looks I am unaccustomed to.
The big council bin is never clean, I then wash my hands, frown at a hair in the basin if there is any, get back to my room.
On the way back to my place, I hear the boy next door snoring loudly or sometimes hear the 18stone fat boy watching TV upstairs.
Then I will never be able to get back to sleep soon.
Should I be that so sensitive to smell? I guess I shouldn't, but how can I be insensitive to or unaware of?
I wanted to sense everything in this world.
I wanted to appreciate as many as possible. I did not want to miss a thing.
As I am getting older I feel that I appreciate more things and I like it.
But the truth is it has not very changed the core in me.
Although it is apparent that I have moved into a new region of living where I thought I replaced people could be around me, nothing seems different.
It doesn't matter where they are from, where they belong to now or how I get to know them.
I am not afraid of losing anymore.I am not so glad of having anymore.
There aren't any I know of.
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