I don't remember if I experienced the world (04)

This is what you are.
Get pissed off by things you can't have, then
burn your jealousy instead to be glad at others' good news
polish your vanity but do not show it
things aren't getting better because of you
it is that you want to die, not you will die
it is not us can change, it is you can change
the door handle to will isn't outside, that is inside
only you can open
if I really want to listen to you?
even if you may speak slow or vulgar, neither of which is my type?
I don't know, I may not like you that way,
but I am curious to know what it would be like to watch you; knowing I won’t possibly like it but chose not to be afraid to show yourself.
I am excited.
I don’t think you are that pessimistic.
As you know, the problem is that you are broken so sad.
You aren’t negative at all.
Let you be slow.
You will be fine if you can try not to be something.

Well…he said, he is a professor at a University in New York.
I now see that he told me the truth.
Yes, I recognise his face on the little photo.
Hi, I found you.

I don't remember if I experienced the world (03)

I said, in my essay I wrote for a “special activity” in the very large nursery school.
They asked us to write anything we had felt or thought of church.
They said ‘anything’ but I wondered what if ‘anything’ doesn’t include my opinion?
We were given an hour.
I spent about 40 minutes on thinking and looking at my teacher’s face becoming so desperate to make me write really ‘anything’.
I asked,
Can you promise me that you said I could write ‘anything’ related to church?
She answered,
Yes, I promise.
Please just write ‘anything’.
I won one of the prizes, don’t remember if it was the second or third but I am sure it was definitely not the first.
I was stunned anyway.
They kept their promise.
My Miss graceful announced that they thought my criticism, well...what I had seen Christianity and education in church I experienced, was refreshing.
My essay was almost like this; I don’t like this and that because...I understand that but don’t understand why this is what...I think it is wrong because...I believe it should be this way...
Not to hope.