nothing wrong with that

I run to you with a big hug will prolong until my next return, then I take your words into my heart last my existence.

At some point, you might have had a blackout to know this is not a decision.
You are safe.
You, then, ponder, as if you were at the moment.

I noticed that I was t. h. e. kind of person when I'd just encountered a stranger I shouldn't, in fact, have been suspicious of.

I didn't like the fact that he was trying to give me too much information about him.
I didn't ask. I am not interested in.
I also thought I couldn't bear him smelt little unpleasant.
He was there, in Musée de l'Orangerie where I was alone, wasn't impressed by any work of art.

I'm an artist, I said.
I would like to try art, sometimes, he said.
Oh, why is that?
Well, because I think it's good. I don't really understand art but I'd like to know.
...You don't have to understand art.
...Yea?

Why am I being grumpy?

...Just go to sleep.

Things aren't seemingly going well

I don't know what to do about it.
Nothing's easy for you, huh?

My apologies

It's just that I've been overwhelmed and feeling guilty about being greedy for things I couldn't do on my own.
So thick. Aren't I.

Not if you are happy-II

While my miserable first year was heading to the end, I met H in a night coach to Uni.
It was a strange coincidence.
My seat was next to hers and she opened a conversation like; if I was happy with school.
I said NO. Then she said she thinks that it may be quite normal for people like me.
Something hit my head.
She carried on our conversation with care but also with a bit of indifference.
When we were walking down to student hall she asked me if wanted to go to a nice cafe with her.
She said I will like the cafe and she would love to treat me.
I decided to go with her in hesitancy.
I was curious. Humm...she wants to have more chat with me.
Why?

I remembered her very bright in critical seminars I had attended.
She ruled the whole class.
She was the most eloquent, interesting and brutally opinionated student amongst many others.
I had an urge to challenge her and prompt others to speak.
She gave me a smile. I was a little confused.

Not if you are happy

I first met H13 years ago, back in 1996 at uni where I did my first degree.
She was a second year student and I was a fresher.
First a few months I was very unhappy with the imperative mood suspended in the whole department. I didn't want to associate with anyone. I hardly talked. I wanted to leave.
I saw her talking to someone in their studio space.
Her scruffy clothes, pale little face veiled her volatility and the heels...dark filthy heels undefended confident in bulky high heel sandals.
It was freezing cold, the day I noticed her.
I thought she was crazy.

I had to drop my following year and worked for a year.
When I got back to University to carry out my second year, she was still there.
She said she failed her second year.

Just stop there.
Let me cringe.
How could you be so thick?
You are exhibiting your stupidity by the crude outward decorum.

Would you be so kind enough to tell me if I met your expectation?

Who is she?

I asked her mother.
Then she wondered who I was.
You don't know how I feel about your daughter either.
You are free to think of me crazy mischief.
You laughed, you will talk about me when I'm gone and will remember me.
I guess I am very into your daughter.
I adore her face and the perfect bottom that I'm always tempted to squeeze.
Oh, and I also love the way she reacts to my misbehaviour.
But I don't miss her in her absence.

How's your new house?
The boys put the toilet seat down.
A asks me if I wanted a cup of tea when he puts the kettle on.
I don't fancy him nor does he.
There is a nice little garden I can go out for a cigarette.
She is the first Korean I've ever met.

Well...you know I said, I said,
I want it more than anything else!
That's my girl.

Things seem to go well.

You have been working hard.
I do hope you will make a fruiful result.