I don't remember if I experienced the world (02)

We, my mum and dad and me, were on a train travelling.
A stereotypical loser, my dad, sorry dad but that’s how I remember you, asked me to sing a song.
I sense that he wants to draw attention through me.
I feel obligated to sing a song in a third class train.
I start singing without hesitation.
No, no, not that you made up. Can you sing a song that we know?
He said to stop me. He got embarrassed.
I don’t know what you know.
I haven’t learned any songs yet.
I haven’t even started school.
The nursery school I go to only teach hymns.
I fucking hate it.

I don’t remember if I experienced the world (01)

Since I was little, I have often spent hours daydreaming about anything not real.
Both my parents were always away from home, so I didn’t talk to them much.
Other kids who I should have played with weren’t very...I preferred to be on my own.
I learned to read quite quickly and it prompted my parents to buy me a collection of children books despite the penury we had to endure.
I didn’t think all the stories made sense but I decided to add things, I thought would have made them more believable and interesting, to them.
I soon finished reading the whole collection, but my parents couldn’t afford to buy me new books.
I said, I would read them again.
I read them until I could recite every single detail,
but I could never repeat the same stories.
I was taken over by one of many, myself.

Crescent lunatic

I hardly knew my honesty and outspokenness could be real hell.
It didn’t leave me.
It has come back to me petrifying gleam.
The advice from someone fine won’t help someone having a difficult time.
It never will.
I have decided to leave you for a while.
Thought I should stop suffering from your scale.
The days I have chosen will make things discrete.
I mean the burp will turn to be necessary before I drink water.
It is not kindness but a skill not making troubles.
You are right.
I feel suicidal but it doesn’t mean I will die soon.

Information about you

You wanted to be clear.
The transparency of glass provokes clashes.
Mind you, it has a face.
I also noticed that mirror itself isn’t clear.
It only gives us an impression of it.
I have broken arms and legs, but you are sick.
You can’t walk and I am going to shrink.
You didn't know courage results from selfishness?
Why do you think you burst into tears?
It told me why I tried not to know.
I didn’t think I could tell you this.
I hoped you would tell me.
I needed to learn how not to take it.

Descriptions of 11 females

I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her.

What am I laughing at?

Get a grip, Bommsoon.

A phenomenon

I knew he was looking at my open diary.
When I was just about to leave my country,
I found his statement about me in his blog.
He said he could have loved me.
I knew he was ready to love me, but I didn't let him do it.
I never gave him a chance.
I never liked the way he was.
He was a coward.
He was hurt.
He was a total wreck.
He then realised, as he stated, it was the reason I left him behind.
I was released, glad he finally got it.
And I wondered if I wasn't hurt.
I was hurt too.
I didn't want to look back.
I was afraid of looking at myself fucked up.

You need to see things correctly, she says.
How? I ask.
How? She repeats.
Separate facts and hopes.
What's the difference?
Then she remains in silence.
It's all a matter of faith, huh? Faith in life. But the thing is we have it or don't have it. Its existence or non existence is not subject to variation. I shout out.
Try not to be taken in. She says quietly.
I understand what you mean my love.
I cannot describe how much I miss you.
I have started to enjoy this cold but you are always in my mind.
I lied that I was happy for your commitment.
I am madly jealous of it.
Being your only friend doesn't mean anything.
I feel terribly insecure.
I live at present.

Too many eyes

Somebody just rang the bell.
I don't know who it was.
I do not care.
It is not the right time I should respond to it.
I met a couple where I work today.
I've been working in that place for about 1 year.
I only noticed them coming there last month and spoke
to a man that I saw him with her a few days later.
I then finally bumped into them today.
I tried to give a good impression,
to whom I thought I should have been.
I do not care who might be standing outside for me.
I've been chuckling at myself for the last 2 days.
Some colleagues were just happy to see me smiling,
some asks why I was going mad.
I responded that I had a really funny conversation with someone,
and it stays in my mind.
Then I was asked who I had a conversation with.
I did not want to let them know.
That is this.
If I tell people about it, I may lose the moment.
A tenacious boy asked if it was secret.
I said, no.
I do not want to tell him.
He would not understand the whole situation.
I do not even want to give him a brief description.
He could never understand what it was like.
But he asks again.
Oi.
I had to say something is not true.
Why don't you let me be myself?

An Example of Bilingual Dialogue

It's me, Bommsoon says:
min?
[Min] says:
why?
It's me, Bommsoon says:
did you get my msg?
[Min] says:
흑.;;
[Min] says:
msg가 모여?
[Min] says:
what' is msg-_-
It's me, Bommsoon says:
message
[Min] says:
무슨 메시지..;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
or massage. hahaha
[Min] says:
무슨말했었는데
[Min] says:
어떤 메시지인지 몰러..;
[Min] says:
말혀봐
It's me, Bommsoon says:
i said
It's me, Bommsoon says:
i made a blog
[Min] says:
아 봤다..
[Min] says:
회사에서 봐서
[Min] says:
나중에 확인했다
[Min] says:
근데 주소는 지금 회사에 있당.;;
[Min] says:
해외 사이트에 개설했더군..;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
yes
It's me, Bommsoon says:
becasue
[Min] says:
지난번꺼보다는 그래도 상당히 친절해졌더군..;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
did you read any?
[Min] says:
약간봤어
[Min] says:
회사에서 확인해서..;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
if you remember any
It's me, Bommsoon says:
do you think
[Min] says:
nothing..;;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
my writing style in english is fairly the same as my korean
It's me, Bommsoon says:
?
[Min] says:
흐흐 한마디로 라이팅 스킬이 어떤지 봐달라는거여..;;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
no
[Min] says:
흑...누구핱네 봐달라는겨..;;
It's me, Bommsoon says:
style
[Min] says:
몰라..
[Min] says:
솔직히 바뻐서 꼼꼼히 못챙겼어
[Min] says:
다시 주소 주소
It's me, Bommsoon says:
http://moveyourspring.blogspot.com/
[Min] says:
지금 모친이 아침 먹으라고한다
It's me, Bommsoon says:
haha
[Min] says:
보고서 방명록에 남길꼐
[Min] says:
그럼 수고
It's me, Bommsoon says:
ok

Impressed?

I saw you needed to be asked, but I didn’t want to hear about what you had to say.
I am sorry if that hurt you.
It hurt myself.
You knew I noticed that you’d wanted me to make an inquiry but I deliberately didn’t.
Nevertheless, do you not want to know why I didn’t at that moment?
I will tell you why when the moment becomes appropriate for both of us.
If you were angry about it, we still need a chat.
Well...let’s say, we invest a momentary cut for thirst rather than being angry about the retina gets unclear.
Simple theory.

...don't know what to say...

It is not because you are fractious it is because they make me angry you are wrong i am not willing to tolerate you unfair you sitting on the fence you quiet and also you have no idea what’s going on i will make things uneasy for you will not shut my mouth up the death of sanity the origin of contagion the miasma of recession paralysing vitality i wish you don’t change you don’t beautiful the moment you go extreme bipolar I’m exhausted but don’t feel like sleeping at all think it's red inapplicable two reds adjustable at your private manual typed by lesser mortals wandering in a cage open.

Ultimately incorrect

Sorry.
It’s not what you think.
I’ve never meant it.
Let this play goes up in the air.
You try to butter me up.
I don’t like it at all.
I expressed myself ever so clearly today,
but it won’t be impeccably true tomorrow.
Every possible flavour is up to your determination.
Give it a go.

Your sensitivity

There were a boy and a girl walked pass.
I saw them through my adequate windowpane.
It was a day I felt ever so alone.
It was a day the sky was fairly clear.
I shouldn't have been depressed on a day like that.
But I couldn't stop thinking about you.
I hope you have been thinking about me too.

The girl I saw was wearing glasses had bobbed hair but with no other belongings.
The boy walked along seemed to be paying great attention to the girl.
He had a few questions for her and kept checking her facial responses.
He was full of curiosity about her and had a bag full of unknowns.

I wonder if you had brown eyes or dark grey.
Was it something different colour?
I don't remember.
I never remember what you look like.
I can tell how I feel about it,
but I can't describe you face.
I looked at you many times,
but I never had a chance to remember your look.

I only remember your words.
The words saw through me.

I'm sure you have encountered countless moments before you talked about this.
The person I know must have.
Are you saying that you want to avoid this?
Did you say that you want to be diplomatic?
If you want to be wise I think you should carry this.
Not to confront it, just to let it be around.
But I see you are already dealing with it.
You will go through it well.

All of which flawed in my mind has started to fester.
You know, I don't always go for queries.

This is time you rub your forehead

You might also want to feel your index finger nail on your upper lip.
You see it's firm but delicate, cooler than the fingertip.
Unfamiliar activity?
What does it remind you of?
I'm glad that the weather is not so severe.
I have quite a few books to read.
But none of them I want to open up right now.
Their potential to infect my knowledge at the very back of the red lump pulsating scares me.
I am the core of the apple you chose.
Your concern for the scent of victory.
Remove the flesh.
Find me.
Find your interior yearing will whet your appetite for hydro sweetheart.
Hurry up.
I'm impatient.

Everyone lives in their own way

Do you know 'leave'?
Do you mean 'live' or 'leave'?
I know you meant 'leave'.
There is a difference between an 'opened window' and 'unopened window'.
You make a choice.
The window is right in front of you.
Do you want to see the world through it or do you want to feel its immensity?
You will make the right choice.
I believe in you.
I wish you like me, not to be like me.
Cool and grey.
If you are in.
Slight discomfort.
If you are out.
But you are dealing with it anyway.
found it difficult?
it's never easy.
Do not despair.
Is that all you can say?
You might want to say something sweet, honey.
Try to fine one for me.
In this misery, we need some sweets.
I had a whole packet of chocolate raisins.
I couldn't stop it last night.
I was so deserate for comfort.
I had no one to talk to.
I never needed you.
You are independent.
Well...I don't want to be.
I just have to be,
otherwise I will fall apart.
Are you listening?
I don't think anyone has listened my compilation properly, daring.
They are not interested.
Has my explanation badly influenced your motivation?
Let's see who wanted know themselves better.
See who's got me.